5 Ways to Minimize Tattling in the Classroom

I don’t know about you, but now that I’m quarantined at home with my three little boys, I hear their nonstop play-by-plays of each other’s behaviors. Overhead during lunch today: “Moooom, he poured too much ranch on his plate.” “He’s just taking bites and spitting them into the trash.” “Mom, the flower pot is dripping onto the floor.” “The dog just made a mess beside his water bowl!”

Sure, some of these need my immediate attention. (And a roll of paper towels.) But to some of the others, I just want to say, “Whyyyy?” I’ve rounded up some of most effective strategies I’ve used with my students to discourage tattling behavior.

  1. Show students how to discern the size of the problem. When I’m teaching the different between tattling and reporting to my students, I often talk about the “size of the problem” and the “size of the reaction,” and that the two should match. When I refer to a small problem, I emphasize that “small” does not mean “not important.” I use the word “small” simply to mean the student should be able to handle it on his/her own– or at least try. A “big” problem would require the help of a trusted adult. Ask students to try to come up with their own examples of small problems and big problems! For older students, you could even add in a “medium-sized problem” category for problems that are not dangerous, but require immediate attention, such as a spill or losing a tooth. What other situations could be considered “medium-sized” problems? We do the same with discussion reaction size, and what a small reaction looks like, versus a big reaction. We talk about times when we’d need to have a small reaction by letting it go or dealing with it ourselves, and when we’d need a big reaction, especially during an emergency.
  2. Model strategies for solving small problems. I teach and model how to solve small problems using role plays, scoot games, and my favorite, the Kelso’s Choice wheel. Encourage them to try to solve small problems on their own first, before going to an adult. Give them language to use to share how they are feeling with the other person using “I statements.”
  3. Provide examples through storytelling. One of the best ways to model social skills is through storytelling. Susie Allison of @BusyToddler posted an infographic on 5.8.20 highlighting reasons to read to a child, including “Encourages social-emotional skills” and “Builds background knowledge.” Young children tattle for so many reasons, including to show the teacher they know the rules, and through story they can begin to understand that the adult does not need to know of every minor infraction. This is the premise behind the book, Diamond Rattle Loves to Tattle.* It includes helpful tips for parents and educators. Diamond Rattle Loves to Tattle also has five companion lessons that will be available on the Boys Town Press website soon!
  4. Talk through example scenarios. Get them moving! I love a good movement-based activity, and so do my students! This classroom scoot activity gets students up and moving around, responding to 30 different “Tattle or report?” scenarios. Afterward, we discuss our answers and when we disagree in our responses, we talk about extraneous circumstances that could be “exceptions” to the rules. Encourage students to come up with their own examples!
  5. Help children understand the difference between tattling and reporting/telling. Give examples of situations where students would need to report a large problem, such as when someone is hurt or in danger, to a trusted adult. Help them identify trusted adults at home and at school who would be able to listen and help. Encourage them that if the adult does not listen to a big problem, such as bullying, to keep telling other trusted adults until action is taken. Remind students to ask themselves, “Are you trying to get a classmate IN trouble or to help them to get OUT of trouble?”

How to do you address tattling in your classroom? I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments below! Be sure to check out Counselor Station’s “Social Skills and Tattling” board on Pinterest for more ideas and resources related to tattling.

New title releasing July 14, 2020 through Boys Town Press!
Engage students with this fun movement-based scoot activity!

*affiliate link to support the blog!

School Counseling During Distance Learning

If you’re like me, you’re trying to navigate this new territory as school counselors all around the world are adjusting to distance learning and new routines. Here are some ways I’ve been helping to serve in my community while juggling my three little boys and their own distance learning from home and figuring out my next steps for providing connection for my students.

NEIGHBORHOOD AND COMMUNITY BEAR HUNT

Many communities are organizing community-wide bear hunts based on the children’s book by Michael Rosen, We’re Going on a Bear Hunt. My own boys (ages 3, 5, and 7) loved walking around our neighborhood searching for plush bears in windows, on porches, and even in front yards and mailboxes! They were excited to be featured in our local newspaper when they shared the story. We used these fun free printables to keep track of how many bears they spotted, and they walked three miles without complaint! My resource includes printable badges and printable bears for residents to tape to windows in lieu of stuffed bears. I always try to think of how I can help, and making this freebie for my neighbors was so rewarding and fun!

MEALS FOR STUDENTS

It’s been tricky to find ways to volunteer at my school because I have little ones at home who obviously can’t come in the school building with me, but when my husband was home during spring break I was able to help distribute meals to students. Some teachers rode buses, and others gave out bags from the school cafeteria.

CONNECTING WITH STUDENTS

In the meantime, I’ve used Loom to make videos to feel more connected with my students. We also waved to teachers from our local elementary school parade through my neighborhood, which I know provided some closure to such an abrupt end to our school year. My own school’s parade has been postponed because of the governor’s orders to stay home, but I’m hopeful we can make it happen! I’ve also had lots of meetings using Zoom, and our teachers put together learning at home packets for students for continuity of learning. When I call students, I dial *67 before 1 and the area code to keep my personal number private. I keep a communication log on a shared drive with my administrators and staff.

DISTANCE LEARNING

During all of this, I’ve been working with my boys using many of the free resources that are out there. It’s OVERWHELMING how many free educational sites are out there, from websites, to virtual tours, to Facebook Live events, but I’m trying not to fill all of our time with screens and making sure to go outside as much as we can to balance our online appointments and classes. I’m using these homeschool/distance learning pages to keep track of what we do each day. I’ve found that if I plan out what we’re doing the night before, it goes so much more smoothly and doesn’t feel so much like playing Whack-a-Mole! You can download these pages here!

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

I’m also looking out for how I can best support my students who are adjusting to a new normal and the losses associated with school ending for the year without warning. So many of you have been using my Hoping and Coping Feelings Journal already, and I hope they are helping students process their feelings during distance learning and school closures. I’ve included letter templates for writing to teachers, friends, and more.

I know my activities will continue to evolve as we navigate this new territory, but I’m proud at how my community has already worked (from a distance) to support each other. Check out ASCA for more updates and information about our profession. They have been updating FAQs throughout this process and providing recommendations on ethics. How are you finding that your role as a school counselor has changed? What is a new platform you’ve learned? Are you journaling during this time? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

4 Books for Addressing Sibling Rivalry

Parents sometimes ask me for resource recommendations for their children who don’t always get along with each other at home. Recently I checked out these books from my local library to preview for parents. And hey, it can’t hurt if I share them with my trio of little guys at home, too!

Dollop and Mrs. Fabulous* by Jennifer Sattler: Great for if you are working with siblings who have completely different personalities. Sisters Lili and Dollop couldn’t be more different, and their personalities clash in this sweet story where they learn to compromise, make room for each other, and mesh their interests in order to have fun together. The illustrations are adorable! I could see myself using this story with students who disagree about what to play at recess as an example of how to create a “win-win” solution by combining their ideas and interests into a new iteration of their game.

Maple & Willow Together by Lori Nichols is another book featuring sisters and is actually part of a series about the pair. Maple is the big sister, and Willow is the little sister. They are ALWAYS together, and although their interests are different, they compliment each other well… until there is a disagreement. After some time apart, they have a chance to miss each other’s company, and they learn to get along through compromise and appreciating each other.

The Unbudgeable Curmudgeon by poet Matthew Burgess features a brother/sister duo. When one is grouchy, the other tries everything, from tattling, to bribery with food, to physical force, to get him off her bookbag, which is trapped under his chair. In the end, we learn several strategies for regulating big feelings: hugs, reading, singing, and painting. This one is fun to read with its playful rhymes and Fiona Woodcock’s thoughtful illustrations.

The Evil Princess vs. The Brave Knight by Jennifer Holm highlights another brother/sister sibling set. They have to share a lot, and even though they don’t get along, they realize how much they miss each other when they are apart. (Sounds like a couple of my boys!) They agree to get along by coming up with a shared mission: “We need a quest!” and continue to prank each other even as they play together… and they even attempt to clean up their mess together(ish)… I love that this story doesn’t have a “perfect” ending or fix, as conflicts will always come and go.

Which books would you add to this list?

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